I always knew that the way you were. I hid the truth from myself. I loved you and you loved me. Period. Nobody else, only me.
The harder I tried to ignore what was going on, the truer it became. She didn't know about me, but I knew about her. I think you knew that. I wasn't stupid or blind like the others. I could tell something was wrong, but I needed you. You needed me too.
When something was wrong you would never tell the other or share your thoughts with her. She was just your mindless fuckbunny. So you would run to me, and of course I would be there for you. Listening to you for hours, comforting you for so many minutes.
Sometimes we would fight, and I would say something that struck your heart and caused you to cry. Your tears always won me over. I would sob along with you, and we would apologize. Promise to never hurt each other again.
When the truth about you refused to stay hidden any longer, it threw me up against the wall and laughed at me. The truth always hurts. It thrives on the pain that has been created. Once it escapes the closet, the truth causes everything to unravel. It does its best to make sure nothing stays the same.
When the truth came hunting for your head you ran away. You said goodbye, promised you'd be back. In a daze I waited for you for months. You wrote twice during the first two weeks, but never again. Everyday my heart broke over you.
Stupid me, I still loved you. Try as I might I could not find the strength to purge myself of that love. I still can't.
I love you because you are my beauty. I love you because you are my sanity. I love you because I can't love myself. Where have you gone?
� by Leonora Unser-Schutz and KittenLady Productions 1997
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